


glasses.

by kaynshiedaz



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Crypto Centered, Glasses, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Self-Indulgent, mirage and octane arent written well im sorry, trauma relating to glasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 12:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaynshiedaz/pseuds/kaynshiedaz
Summary: Crypto has always had himself, no one else. Maybe he can let himself be selfish for once after a rough day.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt, Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt/Octane | Octavio Silva, Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Octane | Octavio Silva, Mirage | Elliott Witt/Octane | Octavio Silva
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	glasses.

Those damn glasses.

Those very same glasses that bore themselves on Crypto’s bedside table. Those same glasses were such a burden on the poor cybernetics heart that he was surprised they hadn't broken themselves through the floor due to the sheer weight they had. Those glasses that are the last link to Crypto and Tae Joon Park--but every time he goes to toss them, his hands clam up and he freezes in place.

Funnily enough, Crypto didn't need the glasses anymore. Back when he needed this persona, he wore contacts to be less recognizable, which eventually turned into an investment in laser eye surgery. I don't need them anymore, he thinks to himself as he stares at them from his bed, why are you holding on?

To make the salt in the wound even worse, placed beside the dreaded facial wear was one of the few images he had of him and Mila. Well, of Tae Joon Park and Mila. He always hid the image whenever the small chance he might have a visitor in his tiny room, but he kept it around as...he doesn't really know anymore. To remind him what he's fighting for? To remind him what his end goal is? He isn't sure. Right now, though, it seems to only make his barreling thoughts worse. 

He messages his temples, fighting the oncoming headache. He has days like this, where he simply can't forget and every little thing takes him back to that place. Back in Gaea, where everything went so horribly wrong. He knew they shouldn't have dug themselves deeper when they were already too deep, he knew how terrible of an idea it was to mess with the syndicates programming as if him and Mila were gods, he knew--

He groaned softly and forced himself out of bed, not letting himself spiral even farther into his own personal mind hell. He walked to the left side of the bed and continued to stare, a small frown planting itself on his face as he stared at the frames folded neatly on his bedside table, untouched for so long they started collecting dust. He extended a hand (more shaky then he'd let himself admit) and carefully picked them up, unfolding them. Ssi-bal, my eyesight was horrid, he thought to himself as he saw how thick his lenses were. 

His eyes wandered to his full length mirror situated next to his desk covered in old take out packages and too many monitors, keyboards, and mice alike. He glanced from the glasses to the mirror a few times before taking a deep inhale and bringing the specs to his face. He planted them on the bridge of his nose, immediately squinting before he even turned to the mirror. He took a few steps closer, trying to get at least a little bit of his form in focus, before realizing he was practically touching it with his body. He strained his eyes as he stared at his face, his eyes straining against the unwanted impairment. 

He looked...strange. He wouldn't particularly say he looked like Tae Joon, but he looked like a fake Tae Joon. I mean, that's pretty much Crypto’s whole brand, but he didn't enjoy how...similar he looked to his past self. His eyes watered.

He quickly threw off the glasses, making a soft thunk noise as they hit the wall and fell to the floor. He let out a shaky sigh as the migraine pounded in his skull (a result of the glasses or the onslaught of memories, he didn't know) as he glared at himself in the mirror. He didn't know why, didn't know when, didn't even know how to explain it, but he doesn't look like himself. He doesn't feel like himself, and hasn't for years. Putting those distasteful rims on his face was the closest thing he will ever have to truly being Tae Joon Park again, and he isn't ready for it. He doesn't think he ever will.

His room was getting too stuffy for his liking, feeling borderline crowded as he could feel sweat begin to form at the nape of his neck. Looking himself up and down in the mirror (avoiding his face as much as possible to avoid the this isn't me this isn't me mantra that has begun in his head), scoffing quietly at his oversized t-shirt and sweats, both gifted by his boyfriends.

His boyfriends. That was a whole other can of worms he doesn't know if he will ever have the mental stability to fully dwell on. Elliot and Octavio...were an item for an extensive time before Crypto was truly added to the picture. Crypto was never one to handle emotions well (if this evening was anything to go by) so he didn't even know he was feeling romantic attraction towards any of his colleagues until it practically drowned him and he couldn't avoid it anymore. He still doesn't know what made him confess or why, maybe it was so embarrassing and unlike him he forced it out of his memory, but he was lucky they both felt the same way...for the most part. Tavi was ecstatic to add some more ‘fun’ to the already energetic duo, but Elliot thought Crypto was just fucking with him--with the both of them, actually. Elliot didn't even accept that he was being serious until a month or two into this odd trio they've made.

Crypto has always been distant with the two of them. Not really accepting affection and hardly ever saying anything endearing to them (in a language they can understand, anyway) simply because...they don't know. They never will, if Crypto has any say on it. He doesn't want to depend on the two, he doesn't want to become vulnerable around them and accidentally spill out more than he might have already, he doesn't want them to ask about Tae Joon or Mila or--

Cut it out, Park. He can practically hear Mystik say in his own head, Don't let tantalizing thoughts like those step in your way.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and quickly changed into a more himself outfit--a black tank top, combat shorts, with white crew socks paired with white and green sneakers--and swiftly left his room, taking a breath of fresh air as the chill of the hallway stuck to his sweaty skin. He looked both sides of him, taking a bit too long at Elliot and Octavio’s rooms, before speed walking to the elevator. He silently prayed that everyone was in their own rooms or simply wouldn't bother him, unlike anyone does anyway, but you never know with this chaotic bunch of misfits the syndicate has built.

He hit the first floor button with his knuckle, swaying slightly on his feet as he stared straight ahead. He prides himself in being able to mask his emotions perfectly in the face and body language, but the sweat lacing his skin and the slight tremor in his arms and legs may give way to something being wrong. The elevator doors opened in front of him and if it wasn't for the smell of freshly cooked pork chops he wouldn't have even realized. As the doors closed he quickly stepped out before freezing in place. 

Pork Chops. That could only mean..

He slowly glanced over to his left, looking through the half wall that separated the kitchen from the common room--the living room littered with tables, half couches and two flat screen TVS and plenty of gaming systems to occupy the stimulus needing brains--and saw the exact opposite of what he wanted to be seeing right now. His pea-for-brain Elliot humming over a skillet while his rabid-bunny Octavio sat on the counter beside him. They didn't seem to notice Crypto standing there dumbfounded, let alone the sound of the elevator moving behind him, and honestly that would probably be for the best right now. He wasn't aware of what time it was, he didn't really bother to check any clocks around him on his much needed escape mission, maybe the fighting range was still open and maybe he could just--

“Carñino!” and just like that, his plan was ruined as he heard two rather squeaky legs bound towards him before a tuft of green hair was in his vision. “Wondering when you were finally gonna leave your room, you've been stuck up there all day!” Octavio said way too loudly for being right in Crypto’s face.

“Leave him be, for all we know the kid might have just woken up from his beauty sleep.” Elliot said in a teasing tone, looking at Crypto with a smile filled with nothing but adoration and eyes that could see souls--if he had the brain capacity for it.

Crypto let out an albeit too shaky sigh and looked down at the energy ball in front of him, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. “Some of us can't take fifty mile runs the second we wake up.” he said in a forced joking tone, honestly maybe too forced. His voice was gruff and didn't sound real in his own ears and he dreaded it. He wished he didn't leave his room.

Octavio cocked his head to the side, a playful grin on his face. “You good? Ya looking a little rough around the edges there.” he said as he reached a hand out to touch Crypto’s shoulder.

Crypto shrugged it off, well rather completely dodged it by taking a step back, not missing the slight hurt that flashed in Tavi’s eyes. He let out another sigh. “Ya, I’m fine.” Crypto mumbled before making his way to the kitchen and opening the fridge to give himself something to do.

Elliot and Octavio shared a look, before Elliot spoke up. “Crypp--Crypto are you sure you're alright? You seem more on edge then you already are like, constantly.” he said in a toned down teasing tone, doing his best to dissipate the uncomfortable air that's suddenly set among them.

Crypto hated this. He didn't want them to worry, he didn't feel like he needed to be cared for, he'll be over this within the day, he's fine, he's starting to lose the reason he left his room in the first place. A sudden sizzle filled the deafening silence as Elliot flipped one of his pork chops. Crypto’s stomach rumbled softly at the smell.

“I don't like repeating myself. I'm fine. Room just felt stuffy.” he internally cursed himself out for saying that. Don’t let out too much, don't give them a reason to question you.

“Well if that's the case we'd love for you to stay.” Octavio stated as he hopped back up on the counter, looking directly into Crypto’s eyes as if to show he means it. We want you around.

Crypto broke eye contact and huffed softly. Maybe...this is fine. Maybe it's okay to be selfish for once. He eyed the bar right behind Elliot and moved to take a seat, trying to be as silent as possible. He didn't look at them, but he could feel their stares practically bearing into his being. He didn't like it.

Elliot and Octavio fell into soft conversation, that being Tavi messing with Eli as he cooked and Eli getting jokingly angry with them. Crypto...liked it, to say the least. He enjoyed this almost domestic feeling in his gut as he continued to glance at them, trying to make it obvious he wasn’t staring. It was keeping his mind off of Mila, the syndicate, all the things he’d save for another day and he was more thankful for it then he’d ever admit to their faces. 

“Want anything to drink, sugar?” Eli said with a wink to Crypto’s direction, making the receivers face heat up slightly. He darted his eyes to the side, trying to hide his blush—and painfully failing if Tavi’s obnoxious chuckles had anything to say about it. 

“Doesn't he have those like, canned coffees in the back? Grab him one of those, amor! He practically looks like a corpse!” Tavi said, trying to conceal his laughter especially after Eli slapped him with a spatula. 

Crypto huffed a small laugh, catching the eye of the other two before nodding slightly. Tavi quickly jumped off the counter, almost falling in the process as he darted to the fridge and reached far in the back for a little can of espresso. He slid it across the bar to Crypto who caught it in his hands. 

“Hey! Don’t take my thing!” Eli said with a fake frown, Tavi shooting him a funny look. “Make me then.” 

Crypto opened the can and quickly took a sip, trying to hide the small smile forming on his face. They could probably never understand just how much Crypto needed this, honestly Crypto himself can’t believe how much he needed this. Just being around them, the warm feeling in his gut settling as he took another sip. 

Yeah, maybe he’s allowed to be selfish every now and then. Maybe he’s allowed to depend on them, even if they don’t know it. And maybe, just maybe, one day they can truly learn about Tae Joon Park.

**Author's Note:**

> hii!! thank you so much for reading!! this is my first ever like serious fanfic so criticism is really appreciated (please dont be too harsh tho im sensitive lol). i hope you enjoyed!!


End file.
